Remember which scars
You left me, And which
Ones I made myself."
I hate the time that goes on
I hate your face
That little crooked nose and that smile
I hate when your eyebrows furrow
They remind me of my family
I hate your Jew curl after we shower
I hate that I let myself kiss your shoulders
The shower steam made me delirious
I hate that I got drunk and I cried
And that I don’t remember any of it
But you dressed me and you tucked me in
You could have left me naked but you stayed
I hate when we text and you don’t respond
I hate when you try to make conversation
Do you really care about my day? My weekend?
I hate that your lips are like a drug
Like a bee sting in summer
I hate that you taught me football
And you always pick the movies
I hate that you told me I was the best you ever had
I drove you over the edge in your car, didn’t I?
I hate that we did it again tonight
I hate that when I told you to drop the friend act
You said it wasn’t an act
That you took me to the hockey game
I hate that I expected benefits after the game
And instead you dropped me off and kissed me
I hate that one night I said I wanted you
And you said you weren’t feeling it
Your laptop was more interesting
I hate that two hours later your hands were on me
And we did it in the dark, and it was so good
I know you did it for me
I hate that you left the next morning without saying bye
And that I didn’t care, because I smelled you on my pillow
I hate that I let myself inhale your scent
I hate that you always smell good
I hate when I tell you that, and you say I smell really good too
I hate the neck kisses
I hate it all
I hate that you don’t see my flaws
I hate that you grab onto my stomach
I hate that I’m comfortable naked around you
It shouldn’t be that way
You’re not my boyfriend
I hate you"
held for comfort, but
the truth is I noticed
my heart sitting in your
hands and I plan to
take it back while you
sleep. I will replace it
with the curve of my
thighs or the dip of
my neck; my skin you
can have, but my heart
I need back."
So how about this: We stop talking
altogether, put a check mark in the
‘finished’ box and label this a win.
I mean it’s not like we’re going any
further with this thing. We are
stunted growers; we have hit our
relational glass ceiling.
Or how about this: We continue
on as if this will be good for us.
Because loneliness is bitter and
we don’t have to be ‘together’ to
pass sugar between our mouths.
We will sail as co-captains knowing,
at some point, one of us will jump
ship for a prettier vessel. It doesn’t
matter that it will leave the other
alone and shipwrecked.
But how about this: You realize that
the way you love me doesn’t come
around often and that you should
give up your pride and be with me
because it would make both of us